Movie Review: Into the Blue

"Into the Blue" stars four hot young bodies, one of which is the ASSpiring star Jennifer Alba, and a fifth player - who I think is the real star of the show -, namely Jennifer Alba's rump. Yes, that's right, her ass. Since the ass doesn't have any speaking parts, nor does it have a character name, I will refer to it simply as Ms. Butt. Ms. Butt also has her two sidekicks, Ms. Right Pointy Nipple and Ms. Left Pointy Nipple. These three ladies make up the essence of "Into the Blue." Really, there is not much more to the movie. Ok, ok, there is a ASSinine story about a drug dealer's plane that crashes into the ocean, only a few hundred feet away from a sunken treasure ship, BUTT this is all just backdrop so that Ms. Butt and her two friends may swim back and forth, up and down, and back and forth, up and down, over and over and over. Breathtaking. "Into the Blue" also offers viewers valuable life lessons, like the platitude: Don't do drugs or sharks will eat you. Or how about: Don't be too greedy or evil drug smugglers will ASSault you.

The film ENDs with some silly chase scenes, and the inevitable ASSASSination of the bad guys. When the credits roll, Ms. Butt gets to swim by again and again. If Ms. Butt could speak, I'm sure she would paraphrase John F. Kennedy: "ASS not what your Close-up can do for your CAN - ASS what your CAN can do for your Close-up."

2 out of 5

-By MacDaddy